🖐 After 8 years and over $k, thinking of hanging myself. | Gambling Therapy

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RE: In 8 years, I have lost over $k on just Pokies (slots). Ps: English is Not trying to blame anyone here, I completely take responsibility for my own actions. The only casino was up in the mountain far far away. During.


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Drunk gambler sues casino over $500,000 he lost while intoxicated

There are 2 parts to my journal: 1 Pokies slot machines when I lived in Australia 2 Online gambling when I came back to Malaysia. Initiall I gambled to escape my pain. Coming back from a developed country for 7 years and having had worked in a highly professional environment for 4 years, I experienced an extreme cultural shock at my dad's company. He perceived it as betrayal. I thought I'd be jumping with joy, but I actually felt depressed even after the win. I heard the pokies music in my dreams, I dreamt about dramatic wins. It has something to do with "dopamine overdose" and the feeling of emptiness once the gambling stops. She's only 1 year older than me but 10 times more stable and capable than me. Today, she told my younger brother to snoop on my computer to check for traces of gambling and unexpectedly, he found evidence of me gambling.{/INSERTKEYS}{/PARAGRAPH} When he cheated on me and left me, my world crumbled. I am heavily in debt and my emotionally unstable, fierce and harsh mother has been spreading her suspicion about me gambling around the family,behind my back. Tingling feeling on the skin, neck, heart race, unusual excitement and fidgety. He constantly scolded me for giving her a hard time. I knew the people there, I get free food and wine, I talk to like minded sad people, great chimes and music of big wins etc. As you can see, there was an acute lack of love and healthy relationships in my earlier life and finding love from a partner was my whole world. She has also brainwashed him into making bad business decisions that lost him millions! Today was when everything finally fell apart when my massive secret got exposed. I would come out of the bar penniless, feeling numb, emotionless, and no money for food. As with many gamblers, I started off not very interested but my friends were playing, so I joined them. I was studying and living in Australia I'm from Singapore , and he was the only person I had there. I lied to my friends about being late, or piking on them. All the Pokies places that I went to always seem to have a very nice distinctive smell as well. He went through the disheartening discovery about 5 times. These Pokies machines are designed to get you hooked, the sounds it make when you get a win, the colorful and beautiful graphics, the catchy background music etc. She's 4 feet 9 inches, sounds like a man, super rude and obnoxious, treats low rank workers like dogs etc Her daily work schedule was: comes to work at 11am, eats breakfast while stalking people on the CCTV, starts actual work at 12pm, goes out for lunch with my dad the boss at 1pm, comes back to the office at 3pm, sometimes she goes out again for a hairdo and manicure, comes back at pm, have a nap in my dad's office, wakes up at around 5pm and sit around the office gossiping about our clients for another 30 mins, then pack up and head home at 6pm. You can re-open your account easily, or, you can open several user accounts and they will allow that. WTF right? However, the devil machinese power over me was too strong. I savings went to 20k to negative in no time. That instantly gave me an idea! However, my desire to gamble kicked in when I was overwhelmed by the stress. Before I met this bf lets call him Z , my angellic sister looked after me. The moment I walked into the bar, the smell Everyday at work, I could not get my mind off pokies, I kept hearing the pokies music playing in my head, the ringing sound it makes when a free game was hit. I felt that God has somehow protected me all the way by sending angels to my side to look after me. I have racked up a credit card bill of 99k it's a infinite card with k limit. {PARAGRAPH}{INSERTKEYS}Ps: English is not my first language so please excuse any grammatical and structural errors in my journal. To be fair, I had huge wins as well, I once pulled out 40k after a gambling marathon of 10 hours straight. My dad had a history of compulsive gambling as well but he got back on his feet eventually and became a successful businessman but remained a real jerk and womanizer. You guessed it right, that triggered me to gamble again. I had 20k in my account and I felt fantastic. Bet, and EuroGrand have fantastic self exclusion system as you have absolutely no way of re-opening your account during the self exclusion period. I have self excluded myself when things got out of hand, but some sites, particularly the ones operated by Asians, allow you to reopen your account by just an email. This started a war between us in the office and my dad sided and protect her over me. When I was playing, money does not seem to be money anymore but like plain paper that I kept feeding into the machine without any pinch. My bets were small but I kept getting big wins. We are still together today even after he's found out that I've been gambling behind his back. However, Asian sites like M88 and Dafa88 does not care. His girlfriend was the general manager of his company. I would have done so if it wasn't because of my truly amazing and supportive boyfriend who has stuck by me through thick and thin. During the early stage of my addiction, I always felt really happy and excited in the Pokies bar. In Australia, I was playing at 1. Right after work, I would skip dinner and rush to the bar and play until they close at 4am. He is the only reason why I haven't harmed myself yet. Perhaps compulsive gambling is genetic? I googled for the best online Casino, picked on that appealed to me, registered an account and started playing online slots. Housed me, gave me food, bought me clothes and gave me emotional support. It's my dad's subcard and I am scared to death that he or anyone in my family or company will find out. That was an awakening call I wanted to keep the 40K and stop gambling once and for all because it doesn't make me happy anyway. So, win or lose, I still felt depressed. At 5'4", I weighed only 42 kilos at that time. He described his feeling as "sick in the gut" and "heart broken". The 1st one could not handle my addiction and eventually left me because I was constantly broke and lying to him. There's been episodes where I blew my entire fortnight's pay in 1 night, and the next day, I would go out thinking that I still have the money. Losing 20k a night was a frequent thing. After I met Z, all my basic needs have been provided by him. All the staff under her had not much work to do either. I've always paid back the money I took within a few days. I started dreaming about Pokies again but I was in good hands because I had no avenue to gamble! It was very easy to get me hooked. I am owing my best friend, my sister and my boyfriend a total of k. As a general manager, she never did lead or did much work at all. One day, I was looking at Facebook and on my news feed, an old friend had a status update about playing poker online. Not trying to blame anyone here, I completely take responsibility for my own actions. HOwever, I went straight back into it the next night. Actually, I had a fantastic job that pays me well, I lead a team under me, was a hard worker and was good at what I was doing. The only casino was up in the mountain far far away. Seeing how depressed I was, my friends took me to a bar with Pokies Machines Slots and told me that it would make me feel better when I play it. I just could not function properly without Pokies. I also suffered occassional memory loss during the peak of my addiction to the pokies. I felt tingling on my skin and fingertips while playing. But this addiction persisted even after I found happiness again. I would have become homeless and starved to death if it wasn't because of my sister and Z. I kept going back until the day I had to leave Australia to come back to Malaysia to help my dad in his business another dramatic episode that I was discuss below. I had a company sub-account under my name and I stole money from it to fuel my online slots addiction. I've held numerous accounts with numerous online casinos. I would play until I have lost every cent I have on me. I belonged there! Long story short, I started my investigation on her misusing, stealing and defrauding company's funds, making double or false claims on expenses, and challenging every bad business decisions she made, and chasing her constantly on project timelines. I have totally forgotten that I have blew the money the night before. The first few times he found out, he was so sad about the lies that he teared up. No wonder my dad's company was going down in pear shape. It started real small but grow exponential. He was pretty much my entire world. However, even after 4 years of working, I had no savings and no assets under my name. I saw it as an opportunity to avoid Pokies, but of course, I also wanted to come back to kick her ass. I would tell them that I was caught up at work but in fact, I just couldn't remove my bum from the pokies seat.